She is gone...

[PASOFAN]

She is on her plane to CA now... Things got worse before she left.. her last night here, she lied again, was supposed to be at work, wasnt. She took off again.. This time I had the car keys so I knew she was in the neighborhood hopefully...

What really burns me is her boss lied and covered for her. I called to talk to her at work and find out when I needed to pick her up. Boss said, Oh she is in the bathroom.. She is going to work late and well bring her home. I said it is her last night here and she needed to be home by 9pm.. Woman hung up on me. So I went there, turns out kysa wasnt even there. I threated to call the police on her boss if she didnt tell me where she was.. She too said horrible thinngs to me, saying I was a terrible sister, let her go be with friends ect.. I told the woman how dare she make accusations about me when she doesnt know my side, plus she is an adult, what kind of adult would let a minor run away and lie to the guardian... I should have called the cops on her. but I didnt... She said kysa told her she would be home by 10pm.. I said she had better if she isnt cops will get involved. The boss said she didnt know where she was just that she went with friends for a while...

Long story short, she came home no cops were called, We had another heart to heart (which means nothing to her aparently....)..

I had taken her keys away on tuesday, so she didnt have her car all week. Turns out she lied to me again, made a copy of that key months ago and had been joy riding while I was at work all week, all over...

I was so upset. She didnt even want to be with me her last night...

I am so sad guys. She said sorry for lying.. We packed her room in silence, she came to me to work my 1-2day before her flight, silence...
Drove her to the air port, huged, I started tearing up, said I loved her and I hope she is happy in CA< to call me when she gets there, and keep in touch.

She said it will be ok Sister, love you. Bye bye.. And she was gone...

I cant cry anymore, but I am so unbelievably sad....

I packed up my truck w/the stuff she doesnt want for a g-sale next yr.. Still have some pakcing to do for her to ship...

Tomorrow I put her car at the end of the driveway w/a for sale sign in it..

Gonna go hug my horse tomorrow...

[My Pasos]

I am sooo sorry that this situation could not have worked out for the both of you in a positive way!!!!

This isn't much, but heres a {BIG} hug for you!!!!

[Linda Y]

I am so very sorry.
Just know that you did your best for her and hope that some day she will realize it too.
Sometimes you just can't help people.

[Pasomom]

Jen, I too am so sorry for what has transpired, but that doesn't surprise me one bit. Unfortunately it is the way of the teenager. Her friends are the upmost, and the authority figures sucks. She WILL be sorry for her decision, but it is going to be one of those hard lessons in life. I only hope that it doesn't scar ya'll's relationship for life! You must remember that she doesn't really know what she is about right now. It is so very hurtful for you, but you are the adult. Unfortunatley, you didn't have the advantage of raising her from the beginning, and you took on a monumental task, and I am very proud of you for doing it at such great personal sacrafice to yourself and your finances.

I hope and pray that you will heal now, and forgive all that has happened to you. It may take you a while, but God will help you and good things will come back to you. Take care girl, and call me if you need a good shoulder to cry on!

Love and hugs,

[Jane Hurl]

Don't dispair yet, Jen. This ain't over.

It looks to me like you are the only one who truly cares about this kid. If I were a betting woman, I'd bet you'll have Kysa asking to return before the year is out.

[ErinC]

DItto ane! She will be back!

you have done well!!!

teenagers are hard, I have one coming 17 next mth,
and a 15 yr old son.

hugs, I give you credit , you have done well!

[Carol Nelson]

Ditto to all the above, Jen...right now you are "mom" to her and when they leave...mom is horrible...but soon they find out that mom isn't so bad after all...I can guarantee it!! She will be back...I give it a couple months...

[PASOFAN]

Thanks everyone... I cant sleep so I am on late.. I know time w/heal my pain and hers.. I need another vacation I think...

Tomorrow is another day..

I appreciate all your kind posts and encoragement, It is nice to know someone understands..

She called when she got there, said so excitedly "were goin to the beach!" I said oh, have fun, be good and love you kid.. SHe said ok, bye...

I do hope in time she understands too, but I think now she feels she has done the right thinng..

Somethin keeps goin over in my mind, I have done so much good for her, we've had so much fun together , how could this have happened. But I know that will always be the q, answer will prabably not ever be sumed up besides she is a teen and will test all limits..

Thanks again!!
Jen

[Edurne]

Ditto to all above. You did the best you could under the circumstances; and that is the most we can ask of ourselves. Hope you feel better as time goes on.

[My Pasos]

Jen,
She is young!!! At that age NO adult knows as much as she does. My 18 yr old son is going thru that. In time she WILL hopfully grow out of that. In time, or when things start going bad where she is that, she will see how good she had it.

As for her boss....I would go above HER & seriously complain to HER bosses!!! That was wrong, unethical & not to mention NOT PROFESSIONAL. The company she works for should KNOW how she is reprsenting them!!! I would raise all kinds of heck.

[Carol Nelson]

Amen to THAT, My Pasos!! That was VERY unethical!!

[xpasocortox]

Oh, Jen...

I'm so sorry, honey. I truly am. I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love very much, even if it's only because they move farther away from you.

Healing will come - I promise. And everyone is right: us teenagers thing we own the world ^.~ And that we're invincible, that nothing can hurt us...but then we make a desicion that we think will make us happy (moving, getting something, ect.), and found out that nothing material can make us happy...WE have to make us happy. A geographical switch, a different hairstyle, whatever. It has to come from inside. I don't think she knows that yet (and, hell, I know that, but I can't seem to put it to good use!)

It's not until we screw up royally do we realize that we were idiots, and come crawling back, stifling our pride and asking for help. She will be back, especially if it was her decision to move. Soon enough, she'll realize what she's missing. She's a lucky girl, to have someone so loving in her life - someone so willing to be there for her. It'll just take her time to realize that what she really needed was right in front of her.

Again, I'm sorry. The situation is crappy for all.

Hugs!!!!!

Amanda

[PASOFAN]

Yeah.... I think she is happy now a tthe beach. wellsee as time goes on...

As far as her boss, it was the owner, so they have no boses only the law.... I think I scared her pretty good though about calling the police.. I just need to let that go, anger never helped any situation.

Thanks again all... Going to keep busy today to keep my mind off things

Going to try to train my work in progress storm.. Hopefully he doesnt dump me today... ;-)

[Heidi]

Ah Jen, I can't imagine how hard these last few days have been for you.

I can't help but think, eventually Kysa will realize what a great sister you were to her. She may realize it soon, or it may take several years, but I am certain she WILL let you know how much she appreciated your efforts.

As to her crawling back? ...I'd be inclined to make her stay the school year. I don't think it is good to up-root in the middle of a school year OR for the child to think that anytime things get 'hard', they can just 'leave'. Not to mention, the deception and lying need to be addressed and she has not been held accountabloe for what she did to you.
Perhaps I am too tit-for-tat, but that is only my opinion...and I don't have any children, so I don't know what is best. Only you would know what is best for you and your family.
h

[Jane Hurl]

Yep, Heidi. I agree. I said it earlier in this thread. Kysa should NOT be allowed to sashay her butt back when she realizes her mistake. I, too, think she should have to finish her school year in CA, unless, of course, there is a serious threat to her existence happening there.

[Carol Nelson]

Yep...I agree with Jane...the circumstances she is living in should definitely be considered when and if she wants to come home. If she's buckling down and studying and getting good grades...and being correctly disciplined and keeping her nose clean, then yes, she needs to stay there and finish the school year out. HOWEVER, if she's gotten into a bad crowd, and she's a problem there as she has been with you, if she's skipping classes and sneaking out at night, and has too much freedom, by all means, she should be back with you. The circumstances dictate what should be done.

[Jane Hurl]

Yep. And if it is the latter, Jen ... man, THEN you're gonna deal with some serious "not sleeping at night"!

Kids (not mine, thankfully) can be one hell of a handful.

[Carol Nelson]

I will relate here a funny story...I am telling on myself now bigtime...but when my Psychologist daughter was fourteen years old, she went over to her friend's house one afternoon and she had strict orders to behave herself (she may have just come off of being grounded). Well, something just told me that all was not right...the girl she was going to see had "hot pants" and her mother was not at home (working) so I got in my truck and drove to within a couple of blocks of her friend's home, turned off my truck and proceeded to wait. Wasn't but twenty minutes and I see a pickup drive up to the girl's driveway and there was my daughter in the box of the truck with a boy very obviously older than 14...like 19 or twenty...and her girlfriend in the cab with the driver...also older than these girls...
I come pulling up behind their truck...jump out (my daughter's eyes were like saucers) and proceed to let these two boys have it with both barrels..."What do you think you're doing ....do you know how old these girls are...." and on and on and on...at one point I am leaning in the cab screaming directly into the driver's face...(I swear they could have had me arrested)...hahaha...
But you know, I'm not going to say my daughter never got into a situation like that again...but she sure never got caught doing it...and since now she's an Industrial Occupational Psychologist graduating with her Master's Degree and heading towards a Ph.D., I guess I did something right!
But you know...she tells me with a grin, "Mom....I'm STILL scared of you..." Lolololol!!

So hope I've made you smile a bit, Jen...and realize, dear, that "this too shall pass..." Keep the faith, girl, and stick to your guns!

[Edurne]

I agree with both previous posts - your sister not only has a "horrible" history but she has a history of you "fighting" for her in a court of law and perhaps an expectation that others may do so (her friend's family). No advice - except at this time - BE KIND TO YOURSELF

[Minouri]

Sending you a hug. I couldn't improve on the advice given here. There are some wise women sharing above. But you know we're pulling for you and your family.

Now get your butt on a horse and let some of that stress gooooooooooo!
A nice long gallop works better than a drink for me!

[Edurne]

a gallop would work for me - if the ground, because of lack of rain - makes it impossible in this region.

[PASOFAN]

Well today is another day, tomorrow will come too..

Thanks for all the advice guys! I hope someday she will undestand and not ruin her life.. I wont let her come home, unless bad things are happening.. She cant run from the hard stuff in life, she needs to meet them head on a deal. When she is 18yrs and an adult when no one in the family can charge me w/kidnapping she can come home and see me... I prabably wont see her for atleased a yr now.. That thought is hard hard hard.. I hope she does call or emails me to tell me how she is.. I cant call her because it is the big bad sis's cell phone and I am not welcome to c`all that number...



Didnt ride storm today, chickened out, he was too nutzy and no one was ther to help if something should happen to me.. I cleaned my truck out, fly sprayed the horses and came home..

Gonna take a nap then meet up w/a cowoker who hired me to take pics of her and her BF at a park...