Ginger
01-25-2006, 06:41 AM
When you sign up, granted, there's no address or phone number blank, but through the course of conversation with people, one's guard gets lax, and occasionally mailing addresses and phone numbers are exchanged among friends.
Is this information ever passed along to someone else in the course of conversation, or do you keep it confidential? If someone were to say "Hey- does anyone have Crystal's phone number; I really need to call her and ask her something," would any of you with my information do that? Am I "bad" for wondering or worrying about this? I wouldn't be upset if it were genuinely FOR that purpose, but sometimes people have ulterior motives. A good example would be: I was very flattered to receive a card from someone on here. It wasn't your typical "form card"- the sender had taken the extra time to find one suited to my interests, and for that I was especially delighted and grateful. There's no need to recount the bad examples.
There have been times when the exchange of someone's contact information has been for a surprise for them, like a gift basket, or monetary assistance. In retrospect- did we do the right thing? Could we have handled it differently? Was anybody ever offended or upset by this on either side? That of course wasn't the intent, but the road to hell was paved with good intentions (does anyone think that censoring the word "hell" in this context is a bit much, as it's the actual location, and not an interjection?) I'd have felt terrible if when I was PFIN-ing, someone received something "unsolicitedly" and was angry about it. It didn't really dawn on me that this could have happened until today, when I was thinking of bringing to you lot's attention another friend in need of at least a bit of up-cheering (if anybody is interested, I know personally that this individual would be happy to be thought of in this manner, and we could think of something)
It's my opinion that when people exchange hard-copy information like that, that it should stay with the person with whom they initially placed it, instead of passed around. I would hope nobody has done that with my information, and I would also hope that my phone number is never used by any moderator for the purpose of censure. That is really tacky and annoying, and smacks of "church lady gossip". It's bad enough that people hash others on this board via the phone (let alone pm and email) like pinochle buddies. An email, a pm, even a public reprimand would be fine, but I think it crosses a line when someone calls you up to notify you of your transgressions, as though they were a collection agency, or a high school guidance counselor.
In case you're wondering why I've posted this, a friend of mine and I were chatting today via messenger, and the offhand comment was made about their forum (non-horse), and how they'd "come after you" if anything was said out of line. The mod of the forum actually called her AT WORK and asked her to remove one of those banana icons (the banana/cow-love one, to be precise) from a post. That mod and another member had been discussing it on the phone, and between those two, it had been deemed "offensive". Doesn't that sound very Harper Valley PTA, or very "We haven't seen you at church lately, and Sister So and So says she saw you coming out of an adult store with a purchase. We need to talk about the path your spirituality is taking..." kind of intrusive?
I think that if something happens online, it should be kept online. If Shelley comes to your house and steals the change off your dresser, for example, THAT becomes a "real life" problem. It should be dealt with between the changeless and Shelley, however, and not everybody else on the mailing list. That can make things really nasty for a long time.
People here and on a few other closely-knit forums I visit exchange information because they're FRIENDS. They want to keep in touch, and they depend on each other sometimes... swapping phone numbers just to gossip about somebody behind their back, or chastise their conduct is kind of eighth-grade. Furthermore, making fun of somebody who doesn't want to play this game is even stupider.
So the moral of the story is to be careful about exchanging your phone or address information with others, whether you know them personally or not. You never know where that information will eventually go.
Thoughts and opinions anyone? This is just mine. I'm curious to see what others have to say, and whether or not I'm alone in my convictions on this one- not that standing alone matters- I've done it numerous times before, but I'd just like to check the score once in awhile on certain issues. Should there be a different or special membership for those who DO want to contact one another on a more personal level, or who don't mind the exchange? What about the once-briefly-mentioned "Fellowship Committee"- is that even a valid idea?
(We didn't get to dance tonight, and I have a new saddle I haven't a chance to try yet outside, too. I'm jonesing...)
Is this information ever passed along to someone else in the course of conversation, or do you keep it confidential? If someone were to say "Hey- does anyone have Crystal's phone number; I really need to call her and ask her something," would any of you with my information do that? Am I "bad" for wondering or worrying about this? I wouldn't be upset if it were genuinely FOR that purpose, but sometimes people have ulterior motives. A good example would be: I was very flattered to receive a card from someone on here. It wasn't your typical "form card"- the sender had taken the extra time to find one suited to my interests, and for that I was especially delighted and grateful. There's no need to recount the bad examples.
There have been times when the exchange of someone's contact information has been for a surprise for them, like a gift basket, or monetary assistance. In retrospect- did we do the right thing? Could we have handled it differently? Was anybody ever offended or upset by this on either side? That of course wasn't the intent, but the road to hell was paved with good intentions (does anyone think that censoring the word "hell" in this context is a bit much, as it's the actual location, and not an interjection?) I'd have felt terrible if when I was PFIN-ing, someone received something "unsolicitedly" and was angry about it. It didn't really dawn on me that this could have happened until today, when I was thinking of bringing to you lot's attention another friend in need of at least a bit of up-cheering (if anybody is interested, I know personally that this individual would be happy to be thought of in this manner, and we could think of something)
It's my opinion that when people exchange hard-copy information like that, that it should stay with the person with whom they initially placed it, instead of passed around. I would hope nobody has done that with my information, and I would also hope that my phone number is never used by any moderator for the purpose of censure. That is really tacky and annoying, and smacks of "church lady gossip". It's bad enough that people hash others on this board via the phone (let alone pm and email) like pinochle buddies. An email, a pm, even a public reprimand would be fine, but I think it crosses a line when someone calls you up to notify you of your transgressions, as though they were a collection agency, or a high school guidance counselor.
In case you're wondering why I've posted this, a friend of mine and I were chatting today via messenger, and the offhand comment was made about their forum (non-horse), and how they'd "come after you" if anything was said out of line. The mod of the forum actually called her AT WORK and asked her to remove one of those banana icons (the banana/cow-love one, to be precise) from a post. That mod and another member had been discussing it on the phone, and between those two, it had been deemed "offensive". Doesn't that sound very Harper Valley PTA, or very "We haven't seen you at church lately, and Sister So and So says she saw you coming out of an adult store with a purchase. We need to talk about the path your spirituality is taking..." kind of intrusive?
I think that if something happens online, it should be kept online. If Shelley comes to your house and steals the change off your dresser, for example, THAT becomes a "real life" problem. It should be dealt with between the changeless and Shelley, however, and not everybody else on the mailing list. That can make things really nasty for a long time.
People here and on a few other closely-knit forums I visit exchange information because they're FRIENDS. They want to keep in touch, and they depend on each other sometimes... swapping phone numbers just to gossip about somebody behind their back, or chastise their conduct is kind of eighth-grade. Furthermore, making fun of somebody who doesn't want to play this game is even stupider.
So the moral of the story is to be careful about exchanging your phone or address information with others, whether you know them personally or not. You never know where that information will eventually go.
Thoughts and opinions anyone? This is just mine. I'm curious to see what others have to say, and whether or not I'm alone in my convictions on this one- not that standing alone matters- I've done it numerous times before, but I'd just like to check the score once in awhile on certain issues. Should there be a different or special membership for those who DO want to contact one another on a more personal level, or who don't mind the exchange? What about the once-briefly-mentioned "Fellowship Committee"- is that even a valid idea?
(We didn't get to dance tonight, and I have a new saddle I haven't a chance to try yet outside, too. I'm jonesing...)