Just feeling blue lately....Thanks for your support (hugs)

[Barbwire]

I feel so low lately, it's all I can do to take a shower and get dressed each day. If I told you about my life you would say, "Oh my God, what does she have to be sad about?" The truth is, since I've gotten married I have gained 80 lbs. because I haven't been working. I loathe myself for what I have become.

Please don't say, "Just get a job." I have been trying for months. My husband has put such strict limitations as to what I can do, it is nearly impossible for me to find anything. I can't work more than 30-40 minutes from home, I can't work the weekends or nights. I must be home for our son when he gets off the bus, etc... etc...

I have fallen deeper and deeper into this pit to where I just don't care anymore. I need for my life to change soon, before I lose what is left of my sanity. I don't know what I want from you all, maybe just a thought or prayer.

[Pasogirlz]

http://bestsmileys.com/hugging/4.gif

Sounds like the winter blues. :( Being trapped inside all day with only your own company can be....maddening. :twisted:

When does is start to warm up around there?

[Barbwire]

Mid July

[Pasogirlz]

Mid July :shock:
That's why I live in Miami ;-)

[Beth Worden]

Barbara:

Well here is a suggestion...I have a really fat paso mare that really needs to be ridden, like, every day. She lives on air and BTW does not have IR or cushings or any of the above. So...this job would not pay very well (nothing), but come get her, take her home and ride her while your child is in school. It would be good for you and good for her. There's your sign

[Jane Hurl]

Barbara ... hie thee to the nearest old folks home. Volunteer. (You can pick the hours when you're volunteering.)

With your sense of humour, you'd be a huge hit around there. You'd work with people. You'd get exercise. Your mind would be happy.

Just a thought.

Don't want to work with old folks? Okay, find a women's shelter, or a home for homeless teens, if you like them better.

There's lots of stuff out there that needs to get done, hon, and YOU would be a wonderful asset.

[Pasogirlz]

Hey Barb, have you ever thougt about Seasonal Affective Disorder aka S.A.D. I understand it is easy to treat w/bright lights and the effects are pretty quick. It's worth a shot. A couple of clamp lamps around the puter might be all you need to feeling a little lighter hearted.

[Fuego]

I've never been to an animal shelter that didn't welcome volunteers to walk dogs daily. Most shelters are usually begging for volunteers. The shelter I was involved with required every dog to be taken from it's kennel and walked, 6 days a week.

You'd be getting exercise at the same time as the dogs, and providing a much needed service for these abandoned animals.

You might also consider having an honest discussion with your husband about how his controlling restrictions are effecting you. That may give you some insight on his priorities: your well being, or his control over you regardless of it's effect on you.

[motorgypsy]

Schools always need volunteers. Call and ask what they need. You must have one near you. What about your son's school? That way he can stay after with you if you want to stay late. There are ways around this problem.

[PasoJoy]

Yikes, you sound like me...it's definitely cabin fever...plus I have also gained weight and feel like it's never going to come off...it also sounds like you and hubby should sit down and have a heart to heart about how you are feeling about the job situation...it sounds like you are being held captive :mad: ...there must be some kind of compromise that can be reached between you...why can't you work nights??? Even a part-time night job would help break the monotony, and the kid wouldn't be home alone, right?

[moonrize]

Better Living Through Pharmaceuticals :lol:

There are anti-depressants that can help you. I know, I take them :roll: I have S.A.D. and also use the lamps that simulate UV light over my head in the evenings to "prolong" my daylight hours. I think it helps too. Don't suffer girl. go get some help. Even just talking to some type of counselor may help you feel better and put your life in better perspective.

The one thing about depression is that it affects you regardless of how well your life is going (or not going). You can't control it, it controls you. That's why meds help so much by perking up your serotonin (happy hormones). It's worth a trip to the doc to find out.

Being busy also helps - volunteer at the library if you can't stand old folks. Volunteer at your son's school or even apply to be a teacher's aid or lunchroom lady there.

PM me if you want to discuss more. I'm a wealth of info on this topic (unfortunately). Just know you have friends out here who care and have compassion for you.

[lalecl]

Barb hope you feel better soon. Shed a little more light and that can help. And meds can really help too. Take care.

[Kerry W]

Sometimes it helps to know that you're not alone........


http://www.spokesmanreview.com/stories/2005/mar/6/fea_tv_arrested.IMG_03-06-2005_QV3UNPT.jpg

[Barbwire]

Yeah, nobody is more blue than Tobias. :lol: Thanks Kerry, I needed that.

You've all given me a lot to digest. I'm going out to the barn to talk it over with Mojo and Amante and see what they think. They are wise beyond their years.

[SandyMM]

Better Living Through Pharmaceuticals

There are anti-depressants that can help you. I know, I take them I have S.A.D. and also use the lamps that simulate UV light over my head in the evenings to "prolong" my daylight hours.

Ditto.... very manageable - and mine is pretty severe - as long as you don't forget to do what you have to do... most people with undiagnosed S.A.D. don't realize that days are already getting shorter by mid-August and the symptoms start to creep in.

More common and more insidious than most people know - it isn't 'just' winter blues....... almost ridiculously easy to control, though, with proper management.

[CarolU]

I just read that EXERCISE reelases endorphins and creates an immediate mood rise! (just what you wanted to hear - LOL)

I'll go with the volunteering suggestion. Go to your local sensior citizens center and help with their activities...ours does line dancing and aerobics...and they don't care if you're old enough to join in. You're welcome to join in!

There are also many shut-ins who need visiting and help with shopping and housecleaning. It gets you out of the house AND you'll feel good doing something worthwhile.

And you can come home and ride Beth's horse! That sounds like a GOOD deal!1

[Terri]

I agree with everybody about the volunteering stuff! Just because it is not a paying job doesn't make it not a real job. And there are plenty of places that need extra help, nursing homes, shelters (people and animal) schools...etc. And often times payment for this type of work comes from above. And those blessing are ofter better then a puny paycheck. And yes excercise is important, releases saratonim (SP?). A friend of mine suffered from depression. He eventually weaned himself off meds with major excercise. But he can't skip the exercise, even now and then. And meds, if necessary, and often they are, help too so go for a physical. If you are starting to enter "that old lady" time of life, your homones my be changing causing mood swings.
One other thing, are you connecting with real flesh and blood friends frequently? Oh sure, we are here on the internet, but sometimes you need to hear your friend breathing. That way you can go shopping or riding or real things with that friend. In other words, get out of the house! It can be hard, especially when it is cold, but goooo!
There you go, advice from an account turned amature psycholigist.

[Jane Hurl]

You have no idea how nice it is to see so many people who are so enlightened about mental illness and the pharmaceuticals that can make such a difference. Makes my heart sing. I don't have the problem myself, but I know and/or are related to SO MANY who do.

It bugs me NO END that so many deal with it like it's something of which a person should be ashamed! I always counter with, "I have to take pills because, left to its own devices, my thyroid doesn't produce enough thyroxin. Should I be ashamed of that?"

HOORAY for our enlightened bb members!

[SandyMM]

Sunlight or bright light are all that are needed - in many cases - to thwart S.A.D. It causes a chemical process that keeps your own seratonin 'in play' - which keeps your mental outlook much brighter....

Greg and I saw TV show on S.A.D. back when we first moved 700+ miles north - didn't occur to me that you could be light-deficient in the 'sunny South'! It was a while longer before it got so bad that I had to get medication, but right now I can manage it with trips into the sunlight or bright lights inside....

I wouldn't put S.A.D. on the same level as many of the mental/chemical imbalances - and many disorders now being researched _have_ been linked to 'simple' (?) but correctable chemical imbalances, but it sure can put the kabosh on an otherwise sunny disposition...

[Barbwire]

Well after talking it over with my shrinks in the barn, I have decided to go to the local shelter and see if they need help with their kitties. The one closest to me is a "no kill" shelter, so I wouldn't be tempted to take them all home with me to save their little lives. I will be calling Beth tonight to talk to her about her mare, too. Of course hubby is afraid something bad will happen and we will be sued, but I think I can work something out. ( Sometimes his practicality is maddening!)

Regarding doctors, medications and such, I have gone that route but it hasn't done much for me. I will look into getting lights to help with the winter blues.

I did put in an application at a local greenhouse even though they are not hiring right now. Being around all those beautiful flowers, constantly bathed in "sunlight" and not freezing my buttocks off sounds like a dream job. The hours are 7-4:00 M-F, so my son would only have to be at a sitters for an hour a day. Don't know what we would do when school's out, but I'm not thinking about that right now.

Another factor that has made me low is that my husband has just started busy season at work, which means I only see him for half of Saturday and all day Sunday. I think I've been spending too much time alone, or in the company of a 7 year old. I have lost contact with all my riding buddies due to the time of year. Yeah, going to the shelter will be a good thing.

I want to thank you all for your concern, ideas, and words of encouragement. I feel that you are my extended family, and I love you all.

[Jane Hurl]

Good girl! Get going! Play with the kitties, but WALK THE DOGS. It'll help get rid of the weight. (My newest hatched plan is to walk into town to get the mail a couple of times a week. Haven't measured it yet, but it's got to be a 5-6 mile round trip. Might start by walking down and phoning hubby to come get me!)

As for the job at a greenhouse ... keep after it. Those lights would be fantasic for you...and maybe you can job share. Not in the usual sense of sharing each week, but maybe there's someone who'd like to fill in for you in the summer when your son is off school. Or maybe by summer the greenhouse won't need as many employees and would be pleased to have one take a 2-3 month unpaid holiday knowing they'd get a trained employee back in the fall...or winter, whichever they need. Y'know?

[Barbwire]

Psssst! Here's a SECRET



i loathe dogs

[Jane Hurl]

Pssst! Yabut...here's a sad fact of life: walking cats just doesn't cut it .

[Barbwire]

Yabut, nobut, yabut............... riding Beth's fat mare + riding Amante + ground driving Mojo = thinner Princess.

[Terri]

walk your 7 year old, mine loves to go for walks.

[Barbwire]

My son was born with a club foot. Even though he had corrective surgery at 6 months of age, it still bothers him if he has to walk or run much. He has played soccer in the past, but was only "sound" on it for one quarter of a game. I wish he would ride, then he could run and run and not hurt his foot.

[dana]

okay . . . so, dumb question, barbara. why can't he ride?
(don't beat me! don't know the details!)

dana

[Barbwire]

He can ride, but he won't. Absolutely REFUSES to, period.

[Blameitonbrio]

Sounds like a lot of good advice and you came up with a good plan. I would also add that talking to a Doctor about SAD might be a good idea. I have it too, and this is the time of year that I feel the worst. It is indescribable to someone who doesn't have it. I would think a doctor could help you make a plan with lights and exercise in the middle of the day (to get the most out of the sun) so that you can combat the blues.

You don't want to hear this, but I have found a cure for SAD...I haven't had it so badly this year because we have bought two new Pasos who are coming home next week!

[Terri]

Oh, Barbara I am sorry, I didn't know. Here show him this, he can see how cool it is to have red cowboy boots and his own pony.
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y134/micomyhorse/davidsboots.jpg
Doesn't get any better for a 7 yr old than that!

[DebbieS]

Barb, sending hugs your way. You got a lot of good ideas here..... my hubby works a lot too. It's a bummer sometimes..

Hang in there! April 15th is sooner than you think! Maybe you can plan a little get-away for you and hubby for that following weekend. BnB type thing.

[Barbwire]

Terri, I did get him his own pony. We were at a gymkhana waiting for his very first peewee class, and somebody's horse got loose. It came running right at us, the pony shyed, and Garrett fell forward hitting his nose on her neck and getting a bloody nose in the process. That was the end of it.

[Terri]

oh, that kinda what happened to my oldest daughter. Mico took off with her and tossed her near the fence. She never rode again. In fact hates the horses. To bad she looked lovely on a horse.

[motorgypsy]

If you want your kids to like horses and riding usually the best thing you can do is make them available, teach them about what horses are like for safety and understanding in case you need their help on occasion and leave it completely to them after that. I've seen too many parents and spouses I might add using the "Do it for me" thing. It doesn't work and it actually has a negative effect. You ride, you play with horses, you have fun. If they are "horse people" they'll join in. If they aren't they probably should avoid horses anyway. A horse person is never deterred by being injured by the way. Look at all us idiots who've been dumped, stepped on, whacked in the head, run down etc. We're still at it. I think it's a gene myself. You got it or you don't.

[Edurne]

How old is your son?

SAD is very real and I'm another one who suffers from it tremendously - this year I've been on meds and feel great. Excercise, although it is great, never alieviated the situation as well. Last year was so bad, I decided I was going to MOVE - this winter I'm on meds and Maryland is very pretty! p.s. I do the lights, and make sure to be outside midday for at least a few hours.

[motorgypsy]

We're both badly bothered by low light conditions and keep every light in the house on during the winter. It's really bad. You just want to hibernate until spring.

We sure hope you find the right job - just perfect for you and your family!!!

[darcy]

Hang in there Barb!, I've been feeling real low this week too, in fact it seems like everyones been a bit down. I'm wishing good things for ya'. I stayed home with Casey for his first 2 1/2 years and remember just wanting to talk to another adult SO bad! And even when there were other adults around he would freak out because he didn't have my complete undivided attention. I've been working full time since then, at first I felt like I was on vacation, now Ii wish I had more free time..

I sometimes worry about Casey and horses, he loves them right now and it's more work to keep him off them than on, but I am worried as he gets older and enters competitive events that his shyness and need for perfection will be too much for him.

Is Garrett afraid to ride now, or is he just feeling embarassed?