My furniture theory

[Minouri]

I was waitressing my way through college when a long-time employee of our restaurant died of cancer. Every single waitress went to the funeral, but not one manager nor the owner of the restaurant went. This enraged several of my co-workers and thus was born my furniture theory.

A boss is a necessary part of your job just as a chair or a computer is. We often mistakenly tie our self-esteem to their approval. We can be as crushed when they treat us callously or criticize us as we were when our parents did the same. We carry our disappointment home with us. We try to win their approval and are hurt and confused when our supervisors do not act appropriately. Some of us can't sleep at night because of a harsh comment or threat from a boss.

It occured to me that day at my co-worker's funeral that a boss is little more than necessary furniture. If your computer doesn't work, you're frustrated but you are not emotionally invested in the failure of the machine. If your chair creaks (like a boss who yells) it is annoying, but it isn't something you take home with you. We all know how to adapt to broken furniture and the same rules apply to poor supervisors. You find a way to work with it or you try to find another chair. Neither decision is too emotionally draining.

You have to temper this theory with the ability to self assess. There may be a reason your boss is unhappy with you. Therein lies your balancing act. Listen to the complaints. Acknowledge, reflect and adjust as necessary. But don't let a creaky chair ruin your day.

And the next time your boss is ranting at you try thinking to yourself, "Look, the chair is angry again."

[reuben T]

the nice kind of boss is the one that always thinks, "if I were this employee how would I want me to treat me?" bosses are just as much subject to problems as everyone else and all too often life's problems get in the way of good relations. I've never been in that situation as being self employed all my life, but I have a friend who works in a resturant and she's always talking about the crazy relations between bosses and workers. I might end up being boss of a few in my business, and I intend to always be easier with them than I would be with myself, I know what the job's like having done it a good bit, and I want to make it as easy and pleasant as posible, as well as continuing to do it with them at least part time. Good boss/worker relations is important to having an efficent operation. Too many bosses don't see that and treat employees as machines.

[DebbieS]

My husband and I have had our business about 10 years now. We've always had employees. We try to treat them as we would want to be treated.

We have had employees with no work ethic at all, though. I think that's something that should be taught in college along with their field of expertise.

There are others that go above and beyond. We have 2 emplyees now that have been with us for 6 years. I'd never stayed anywhere for that long when I worked for someone else.

[Minouri]

Hmm, this theory might need to be revised if you're in charge ......lol

[Terry Wallace]

Its the same old thing really....some people are just far better than others. I have had 2 excellent bosses in my life...one I stayed 13 years with, and one I stayed 7 years with. The guy I am working for now, improves all the time.... he is beginning to learn the "secret"...and that secret is "you get back what you give"...an accurate statement to 90% of the time...

Its something you can work on with any boss... if they are insistant about being "king of the castle" and treating workers like slaves... I'd move on in a heartbeat.... if they are reasonable, caring people...they give what they expect to get back...

Horses are the same way...treat them with understanding and respect...and you will "get back" what you give...

[Edurne]

I have worked for a pathological lier psychopath (he got fired - I used magical flower power dresses to psyche him out.... he was a construction mgr from the south that didn't approved of women in construction). Great bosses who directed and didn't micromanage - a coworker as a photography partner, who only has task related work experience and is very difficult to work with. Due to her insularity both in life and work thinks she knows it all and is not shy about sharing her opinions. (see photograph of "sourpuss" on Primero thread). When I am with her I not only think of Minouri's - you are not taking my slice of pizza, I have to add my cousin Ana's view of life of "no me vas a sacar el chupete".

I have been a team leader ..... which was very difficult with those who have no "work ethic" or who skyve. This was in a professional setting. I have been a boss in my own business, four employees in the past 10 yrs, one of whom was with me six years until I reorganized into my current "making the bills and no more" life. Interestingly enough one of my workers I initally met by working for her in my first job as a "gardener".