Laws of the Natural Universe

[CarolU]

(finally! Someone wrote laws that seem to apply to me)

* *_Law of Mechanical Repair:
_*After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to
itch or you'll have to pee.

*_Law of the Workshop:
_*Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

*_Law of Probability:
_*The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
stupidity of your act.

*_Law of the Telephone:
_*If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

*_Law of the Alibi:
_*If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat
tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

*_Variation Law:
_*If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will
start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

*_Law of the Bath:
_*When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

*_Law of Close Encounters:
_*The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are
with someone you don't want to be seen with

*_Law of the Result:
_*When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

*_Law of Biomechanics:
_*The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

*_Law of the Theatre:
_*At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last..

*_Law of Coffee:
_*As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

*_Murphy's Law of Lockers:
_*If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

*_Law of Rugs/Carpets:
_*The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a
floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the
carpet/rug.

*_Law of Logical Argument:
_*Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

*_Brown's Law:_*
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

*_Oliver's Law:_*
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

*_Wilson's Law:
_*As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it..

[Linda Y]

I need to add one...

If there are only two cars on a road going opposite directions, they will meet going over a bridge or where there are potholes that can't be avoided except by going into the other lane, meaning you have to drive through them.

oh, oh and...

if you go out to dinner and sit at a lovely table, a family with 4 or more screaming children will be seated directly behind you halfway through your meal, even if there are other empty tables for them to sit at.

[reuben T]

only an occasional one i havn't experienced. it seems to work just like that all too often.

[DebbieS]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[pasofantasy]

Those do sound familiar! I have one to add, too! If you don't like something, it will last forever! I think I even told my daughter to get things like that for them to last. ;-) Gee, after 23 years, I still have that crystal bowl, that was a gift. I don't like most cut crystal and that bowl has bad memories connected. It sits out and it doesn't have a scratch, but other sentimental things have broken. :cry:

[Edurne]

Sounds like it's time for the bowl to become a dog watering bowl, a feed bowl, a target, - my thought is reframe or get rid of the reminder :D

[CarolU]

That's a good one...

One year a 'friend' gave me the most horrible sculpture, it was an Indian in a canoe with a husky dog and a bald eagle. Both the eagle and the dog were bigger then the Indian. The thing was so ugly I set it out in our study where I hoped no one would see it. When we started White Elephant gifts at work, I wrapped it up and gave it away. Apparently no one liked it, because every year it was wrapped up and given away again and again and again. Even when I changed divisions that crazy canoe managed to follow me to headquarters. It became a joke.

It found it's way to the Sergeant Major and luckily he transfered out before Christmas rolled around again...we thought it went with him. But when the new SGM moved into his office, there it was as a doorstop.

[Jane Hurl]

My brother-in-law and I have a running gag that has gone on for nearly 25 years. It started when he and my sister gave me a weird set of salt and pepper shakers made from papier mache and bought when they visited Niagara Falls. They were butt ugly (and making sure I was laughing when I said it, I told them so).

So, when I next went on holidays, I found the butt ugliest set of salt and pepper shakers I could find ... in Hawaii. They were a pair of gaudy pineapples. One said "Aloha" and the other said "Hawaii". My sister was not amused, but my brother-in-law howled with laughter.

Last Christmas my neice handed me a present, looked me in the eye and said, "This is from my dad. Mom has nothing to do with it and neither do any of us kids." I nearly peed my pants when I opened the gift and there was a set of Christmas salt and pepper shakers ... metalic green elf shoes with all sorts of red, yellow and blue metalic baubles painted on them. And they don't even match!

And so it goes.

PS...If you have a spectacularly ugly set of salt and pepper shakers, I'll buy 'em from you! *grin*

[pasofantasy]

For me, I'd have to add another. Homes, that you buy may have tiles to work around or replace. I've had two houses with pink tiles in the bathroom. Finally, I worked around it so well, that I might even consider putting it in a house. Currently the bathroom with light pink tiles is accented with shells. Maybe, I should use some flamingos and ibis in there, too!

Sounds like it's time for the bowl to become a dog watering bowl, a feed bowl, a target, - my thought is reframe or get rid of the reminder :D

Thanks! It's a very good thought, but it's lead crystal! I can't poison the animals! Some would like the bowl, but it isn't my taste. I don't care for most cut crystal or florals in decor. I've learned to appreaciate the bowl, since it now holds the lovely glass fruit. If it were too emotional, I would have put it away.

That's a good one... But when the new SGM moved into his office, there it was as a doorstop.

Not a bad idea to make other uses of such items.

PS...If you have a spectacularly ugly set of salt and pepper shakers, I'll buy 'em from you! *grin*

I live in Florida, so I bet I'll come across some! I don't think my uncle will part with any of his collection. He has some unusual ones!

[Edurne]

I am sure that the "lead" in Waterford crystal has not killed (except for Joy) many Irish drinkers. Perhaps it is because of the water?

[Edurne]

sorry..... getting sarcy...... bad sign....... someone pour me a drink

[pasofantasy]

That's okay, Edurne! Do you want me to pour it in my bowl for you? ;-)

[Edurne]

Thanks for being kind..... it's been a hard week ....... and I love drinking out of crystal.

[GeorgeGuns]

I've got a few:

Traffic law: the hurrier you are, the more red lights you will have to stop at.

Vacation jinx: the dogs injury will be just bad enough to have to cancel whatever trip is planned.

Computer Magic: The risk of your puter crashing is directly proportional to the amount of time you have invested on a project.

And of course there is the Natural Law of Weather: if you want rain, plan on getting something done with a horse! And the more horses you have to work, the bigger the rain. or snow

Edurne, we need to do wine.. soooon.

[Heidi]

I can make it rain by washing my car, parking my car outside the garage or watering my yard plants.

[Barbwire]

I am sure that the "lead" in Waterford crystal has not killed (except for Joy) many Irish drinkers.

Way to be, E! :lol:

[SandyMM]

On the morning of the _last_ annual Memorial Day Weekend Trail ride leaving from the barn where you keep your horses, one of your horses will get a belly ache an hour before departure time.....

If you're really lucky, your Banamine will not have expired....

Uh - that would be _this_ morning.... :roll: :roll: :roll: :evil:

[Minouri]

I have one......

Very serious, quiet situations always make have to fart. So far I'm able to contain myself....but as the years pass........well, I hope my hearing goes first.

[Barbwire]

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/positive5.jpg

[TrueStepPaso]

Ha! Minouri! Yeah, I gotta agree with the 'serious situations having to make you fart' thing........so true. My classy boyfriend always rips one when I'm trying to be serious, and no matter how mad/sad/whatever I am, I ALWAYS think its funny!
How about this: Just when you're alone with a cute guy and its all quiet and romantic....you gotta fart. My girlfriends and I have had a few of those conversations before over the years. ;-)

[Barbwire]

I am the master farter in this household. Neither my son, nor my husband can hold a candle to my farts. ( WARNING: Never EVER hold a flame near methane! :lol: ) We have 3 cats, one is 5#, one is 13#, and one is 20#. Hubby says he can tell what cat I just picked up by the sound of the fart I make.


There is something about my son's school that gives me gas. No, really it does. Whenever I have a meeting with a teacher and I'm trying to use big words and proper grammer, sitting on a chair meant for buttocks 1 1/2 ax handles narrower than mine, I am inevitably bearing down on a real assripper.


If there is a concert and we are packed like sardines in the gym, the heady aroma of smoker's breath, motor oil, and b.o. thick in the air, I feel the urge to let one rip during the applause.

This is the honest to god's truth....last week, there was an awards ceremony at the school. We got there at 7:00 and by 7:30 I was in such gastic agony, I walked, in the rain, the 2 miles back to our house. I reckon I did not run out of gas until about the last half mile or so.

If I pick my son up early from school and sign him out in the front office, I have to pucker up as I bend over lest a farticle escapes me. One time my son asked me to tie his shoe in the tight confines of the office and I made him walk to the truck until we were out of earshot before I tied it for him.

I went to the very same school as a kid and I don't remember it making me fart so much....perhaps I have forgotten?

Oh, BTW Lori, long truck rides make me fart, too. :lol:

[Barbwire]

What, no reaction from Lori?