lisa l aka marci
07-01-2006, 06:43 PM
>PET RULES
>
>To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
>
>Dear Dogs and Cats,
>
>
>
>The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
>dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
>the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
>food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
>
>The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
>Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
>because I fall faster than you can run.
>
>I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
>this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
>comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
>is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
>fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
>having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
>sarcasm.
>
>For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
>some
>miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
>necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
>the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door
>I
>entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline
>attendance is not required.
>
>The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I
>cannot stress this enough!
>
>To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
>front door:
>
>To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
>
>1. They live here. You don't.
>2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
>(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
>3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
>4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
>short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
>
>Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
>
> 1. Eat less
> 2. Don't ask for money all the time
> 3 Are easier to train
> 4. Normally come when called
> 5. Never ask to drive the car
> 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
> 7. Don't smoke or drink
> 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
> 9. Don't want to wear your clothes
> 10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
> 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
>
>
>To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
>
>Dear Dogs and Cats,
>
>
>
>The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
>dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
>the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
>food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
>
>The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
>Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
>because I fall faster than you can run.
>
>I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
>this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
>comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
>is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
>fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
>having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
>sarcasm.
>
>For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
>some
>miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
>necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
>the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door
>I
>entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline
>attendance is not required.
>
>The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I
>cannot stress this enough!
>
>To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
>front door:
>
>To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
>
>1. They live here. You don't.
>2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
>(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
>3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
>4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
>short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
>
>Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
>
> 1. Eat less
> 2. Don't ask for money all the time
> 3 Are easier to train
> 4. Normally come when called
> 5. Never ask to drive the car
> 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
> 7. Don't smoke or drink
> 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
> 9. Don't want to wear your clothes
> 10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
> 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
>