Classes for men.

[Mellifluous]

Summer CLASSES FOR MEN AT
THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, July 31, 2006

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7 00PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

I am thinking that Kevin could use a few of these classes! ;-)

[Barbwire]

OMG! That is the funniest, and most appropriate, thing I have read in a coon's age! Thanks Mel!

[baileyholc]

:rofl

[jmtw]

That's just wrong :razz:

BTW, for y'all's information, if we can raise a lid, you can lower it. :D

[Barbwire]

Joey, are you are soooo brave! Good for you, buddy! ;-)

[Linda Y]

That's just wrong :razz:

BTW, for y'all's information, if we can raise a lid, you can lower it. :D

Obviously, Joey has never stumbled into a dark bathroom in the middle of the night and sat on a toilet that has the seat raised! An eye opening experience to say the least, and one he would not soon forget!
Being the picky soul that I am, I not only want the seat lowered, but the lid too! Fortunately, my husband was a quick study and now it bothers him as much as me! :lol:

[jmtw]

*sighs* Most married men are whipped.

I say rebel!! :D

[Brigitte]

:bsmile

[Blameitonbrio]

*sighs* Most married men are whipped.

I say rebel!! :D

And I say they love it! :rofl

[dana]

Have to agree with Linda.
no room to talk until half asleep, you stumble to the bathroom and dip your hinny in an ice cold toilet at 2am. Ughhh!

[Blameitonbrio]

Being the picky soul that I am, I not only want the seat lowered, but the lid too! Fortunately, my husband was a quick study and now it bothers him as much as me! :lol:

Me too Linda...in fact, I can be quite witchy about it to my long-suffering, lid-lowering-challenged family members. After all, is the lid just there for decoration? If so, then maybe we should paint some pleasing scene on the underside of the lid so that it can be used for something.

Err...my hormones are not balanced today...is it showing? :lol:

[jmtw]

ladies ladies ladies....

There is a thingy on the wall, called a light switch.
Go on... write that down... i'll wait. lol

now, to operate the light switch, all you have to do is flip it up for on and down for off. Very simple, even a woman can do it. :P

if you can turn on the light, you can see if the toilet seat is up or down.
Case solved. :D

[Barbwire]

Now, Joey, don't go forcing me to post the picture I have of your can, just to shut you up. ;-)

[jmtw]

That's cold, Barb... :lol:

[Barbwire]

What's cold is, my threat stayed on the board for over an hour and a half, and not a single hen jumped on it! OUCH!

[JennLM]

The easiest way is to have big dogs who drink out of the toilet who come to kiss you afterwards, it's a GREAT deterrant to the lids being up.

[Blameitonbrio]

That reminds me of Geezer, an old foster Lab I once had. He would drink out of the toilet, and as a result, I had everyone in the family closing the lid for once. Apparently, he preferred his water from the toilet, because one day, I caught him using his massive paws to open the toilet to drink!!!

He was a very resourceful dog. He could also catch and eat fish. My mom ended up keeping him in a hospice situation since he had cancer, and we were with him when he was released from his suffering two years ago. What a crazy, obnoxious, wonderful dog. I could write a book about him!

OK...back to men and how they need to learn to put down the seat AND the lid.
:lol:

[motorgypsy]

OK here's the deal about the light. IF I turn the light on in the bathroom it will wake me up. IF I am awake I like to have company which means I have to waken the other sleeping person for a late night chat. IF said person does not want to be wakened, said person puts the toilet seat down so I don't NEED to turn the light on and there fore don't NEED to waken him for a nice chat at 3am! In the event that he forgets to lower it he will indeed be wakened by a bellow that will cause vibrations far off the Richter scale causing horses, goats and cats to scatter and flee for miles around (our water is 50 degrees year round) so you can guess that it stays down!

[jmtw]

copied from a forward I got (from a woman, no less :razz: )

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
A woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can
Walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
Gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested

[Barbwire]

Joey! Delete that right now or I will be forced to enlarge this: http://gallery.pethobbyist.com/data/65061joey_butt_tiny.jpg

[jmtw]

Good morning, Barb! A pleasure to see you, as always :D

uh uh. what's good for the goose is good for the gander. or vice versa.

[Pasogirlz]

I for see a new avatar for Barb....
http://gallery.pethobbyist.com/data/65061joey_butt_tiny.jpg

[dana]

Please, Barb, Please enlarge it?

[Palomino_Lover]

Summer CLASSES FOR MEN AT
THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, July 31, 2006

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7 00PM.


I do.. she doesn't


Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.


Again, I do.. she doesn't


Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


It's been said already but I will repeat.. it's just as easy to put it down as to put it up.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

It makes it to the hamper... not always to the washer...


Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

We don't eat at home enough for this to be an issue


Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

It's mine and it will stay mine


Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

I hardly have ever done this


Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Ummm she's the most unromantic woman I ever met


Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

I know how to read a map.. as much as I am nagged otherwise (including as I write this)


Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.


I do.. she doesn't.. (that's why she shuts her eyes.. I don't hear the moans or see her grabbing the jesus handles)


Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

I don't thing this has EVER been an issue


Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Not a problem as long as we have a list.. go in.. buy it.. and leave. Otherwise it's a waste of time I could be relaxing while drinking a beer


Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

OK, OK, you got me.. but I remember mostly (except ummm opps.. busted)


Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.


I used to cook a lot.. but not with an electric oven. blech

[Barbwire]

Is the avatar size picture big enough, Dana, or do you want me to make it bigger? :twisted:

[JennLM]

Yes, dear yesterday was our 5th anniver. and someone forgot.....

[Barbwire]

OUCH!

[Palomino_Lover]

I can only plead PPSS *

*Post Paso Stress Syndrome

Don't worry, I'll make it up to her.

[Cindy]

Joey, men sit and women sit, therefore the appropriate place for the seat is down. When the time comes where both stand, seat position is optional. Or, if you want to do everything standing, that will even the field thus making it optional. Until then, the proper position of the seat is the down position regardless of the position that the previous user was using.

[JennLM]

Actually not to help men since I WANT that durned seat down, but women _can_ pee standing up almost just as easily ;-)

[Cindy]

Yeah, right, that's why all those public toilets have pee all over them from those who refuse to SIT. Try again, traitor. :razz:

[CarolU]

Yeah, right, that's why all those public toilets have pee all over them from those who refuse to SIT. Try again, traitor. :razz:

One of my pet PEEves too! Darned women, if you aren't going to sit on the seat, lift the darned thing just like you expect men to do!! :evil: Have you ever thought about kids or handicapped people who have no choice but to SIT on the toilet???

And once you have lifted it, sprinkled as you tinkled, then put the durn thing DOWN for the next person. Man I HATE falling in a toilet at 2 a.m.!!!

[JennLM]

Well he did redeem himself tonight. I came home to roses and a card and was whisked off to the Winery for an awesome night outside with great food and company. :smile:

And :razz: to Cindy hehehe

[jmtw]

Y'all leave Jenn alone, she knows what she's talking about. :D

Thank you, Jenn. :smile:

[JennLM]

I do have a website with step by step instructions LOL