Looks like I will be moving...

[diswick]

Michael, the man I have been living with, and I haven't been getting along. Not fighting, but I don't think either of us is happy anymore. I am going to be looking to find a new place when I get back from Ohio. I am going to Ohio next Saturday to welcome my 7th grandchild into the world.

Things have been going downhill for a while. I have been hoping that things would turn around, but I think Michael wants me out. He told me today that he is happiest when I am at work...

He is always telling me how stupid I am, though not in those words (but the meaning is there and unmistakable.) I just don't need to be with him, hearing that, any more. No matter what we talk about, he has to have the last say and it is always to tell me how wrong I am. I am beginning to feel very beaten down. Not a good feeling.

I will probably have to pay out $1000+ for a 1 bedroom apartment here. I just accepted a job here in Santa Barbara, and I hate to give it up before I have even started it. So I am going to try to hang in here in Santa Barbara for a year, then I will probably leave this area. Whether I will stay in CA ia not decided yet. I hadn't planned to go back home to Ohio, but there are lots of big cities to work in back east, and I still haven't visited or worked in many states. So I may do travel nursing again. Can work in many cities doing what I do, thank God. I may even consider working in LA again or San Diego, too.

Need to consider buying another vehicle so I can pull a horse trailer, cannot leave Cocoa here if I move, and since transporting a horse any amount of distance is quite expensive, it is smarter for me to own a truck and trailer...

I am sad, feeling like a failure...how am I going to get along alone? I am really afraid...

[diswick]

What happened to my avatar????

[pnalley]

Diana,
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. But if you will re-read your own post, it is quite clear you have a plan. You have confidence in your work, and ability to keep a job. You have already decided to think about a truck and trailer. You never mentioned having to sell or give up your horse.

I have confidence that you are STRONG, and resiliant. You can do this, and I bet you will be happier when you are in control of your own destiny.

Hang in there, and remember you have friends here.

BTW congrats on the new young'un

[Heidi]

Have you moved or changed your photos at PhotoBucket? If not, then perhaps PB is having problems or doing maintenance.


The relationship you are in does not sound like a good one for you, because of the verbal/mental abuse. Even if he isn't making you bleed/bruise or even cry...if you are feeling bad, it is a form of abuse because it appears he is doing it deliberately. That is not good for you.

You can make it on your own, though you may find that CA is a difficult state to live singly in. I think you'll find that after you've gotten away and had time to adjust, that you will do just fine. Your mental outlook will be much more positive than it is now with the negativity thrown at you...
Heidi

[Linda Y]

I agree...I can't believe that you think you won't be ok alone. Especially away from a person that thinks you are stupid. You will be BETTER than ok. You will be whole, confident and SMART!
You go girl.

[LynnG]

Life changes can be difficult to start with. But once you move forward with it and new plans, you'll find yourself okay. I've been living the single life a long time now....its pretty darn good in my opinion. You can always meet new people and make new friends. Staying in a descructive relationship does you no good (my one and only marriage was like that). Be strong and say bye-bye with a smile on your face. :D ... and don't look back. Look for support from your family and friends through this transition period.

[Pasogirlz]

You are obviously a strong person just by reading your post. So never fear. You might be like me....and decide you are much better off single in the long run. ;-)

I wish you good luck and I know what this time of change will be like for you....but I also know you will eventually be MUCH happier. :hug

[Rusel]

The best is yet to come..... Every new relationship improves as long as you don't make the same mistakes... you know what to look for... Time is hard right now, but honey, you got a HORSE.... and time together will help heal...

You'll actually find out that life can be pretty good with friends willing to listen, be there and help.....

Life single can be good.... not as good as a good relationship.... but far better than a bad relationship with no respect.

A traveling nurse.... gal buy yourself an older living quarters 2 horse trailer, a good truck..... and travel... You can rent pasture anywhere and pull in.... park.... stay till you find a place for you...work a few months.... and then move on to the next place til you find where your heart and feet feel the earth and you want to stay.....

Just post.... we'll be there....

[PasoVicki]

There are worse things than being single -- and one of them is being in a relationship with someone who tells you you are stupid, who isn't happy to be with you, and who makes you feel like a failure.
Besides, being single isn't the same as being alone. Ditch the guy and keep your horse.

[motorgypsy]

You know what the only thing worse than being alone is??? Being in a bad relationship. Get a cat or dog if you don't have one and remember - we've all been there at one time or another and we've got your back so GO girl!! and take your life back!!!!

[pasofantasy]

You can do it! It shounds like you're a wonderful person. You shouldn't have to put up with such treatment! Nobody should! If the relationship is bad, you're really alone anyway. It sounds like you have a roommate, not a significant other!

Don't be afraid to adjust your plans and leave earlier! You have to judge whether you need the support of other friends nearby or to get away as far as possible. This will just be a new adventure in your life! We'll try to support you!

[JennLM]

Vegas is desparate for nurses right now.. *hint hint*

I was with a fiance for 4 yrs in Michigan. I knew no one and had no local friends. He used to call me stupid and fat (then cheated on me with someone 3 times my weight).

When it came time for me to move (I had to plan it because he could be violent), moving opened a brand new set of doors and life for me. I am sure the doors that will open for you will be wonderful.

Just keep positive and know almost every city is in need of nurses so you have pretty much pick of anywhere to live.

[GeorgeGuns]

Ouch!
The only reason you feel like a failure is because you've let the opinion of a non-committed person get to you. Don't do that!!!
Living alone isn't easy, not from a practical standpoint, but you will see that with the bad influence on your life out of your space, you will have so much energy freed up to be POSITIVE about YOU, and we love you and think you are just great!!! You'll be able to make more creative and active decisions about what you want to do, and no one to tell you wrongly that you aren't doing it right.

BTW, its okay to love someone that is a jerk, but that love you feel is more of a caring type not the romantic type, and you don't have to put up with the BS. No romance is worth belittling yourself, and I'm betting the romance score is abysmal.

Another point to ponder: men who habitually belittle their women have a high risk for turning to physical abuse. I'm not saying this is going to happen with him, but its one reason I wouldn't stick around to find out!!! Your name is not "doormat"!

:hug

[reuben T]

yes, living with put downs all the time can really kill the emotions and make ya feel bad about life. Get out of there soon. I'd take stock of all options, and if i were in that situaton I'd seriously consider down grading to a camper, (with horse trailer in it if such could be had for a reasonable price) get things where i could live as cheap as posible and move the whole house and horse down the road when i need to go.

[Moniece Dickerson]

Going through the same kind of thing right now girlfriend only with us we're married and it's both of us miserable and both of us that feel we can't do or say anything right.Just last week I got a permanent job that will take care of me,my place,and animals if need be.PM anytime you feel like it.Your friend,Moniece

[Blameitonbrio]

Diana,

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this, but I am happy you are making steps to get out of a situation you don't deserve. It must be a hard decision to make judging by the number of women in unhappy relationships, but you deserve to be treated with respect.

Being a nurse will give you a lot more options than some when looking for a place to live too. If you are thinkig about NC, there are plenty of us Paso nuts here to discuss that with!

I have never been in this situation and pray I never am, but I imagine I would be scared too. That must be what keeps folks in unhappy places -- fear. But just think of the opportunities that will be out there for you when you have gotten away.

Congratulations on the new grand baby. When you hold that baby for the first time, remind yourself that you deserve a good, happy life just like you wish for for that precious baby.

Hugs and prayers for you!

:hug :hug :hug

[Carol Nelson]

Oh, man, can I relate to what you're saying. I lived 11 years with a man who put me down continually...I remember there was hardly a morning that passed that I didn't end up crying at least once by noon. I finally broke away and I'll tell you, it was my horse that helped me. By getting a horse at 41, and learning to care for him, and learning to ride...it gave me a new sense of freedom and identity. And whomever said above that verbal abuse could lead to physical abuse is so right...it did when he learned I was leaving him. It was a very violent and explosive divorce.

But...here I am today, with 21 horses and I breed and run my own business...and have a new man who treats me like a queen. Believe me, so many times when you go through something like you are, once you get out of that relationship, it seems like you can do just about anything. The feeling is upbuilding and exhilarating!

You are not in this world to take care of anyone but yourself. Get out there and start doing that! You're worth it.

And by the way, Texas is a great place to live...Austin is crying for nurses...and there's a double wide on ten acres for sale right next door to me! ;-) :D

[Rusel]

Way to go Moniece..... just knowing that you can be independent changes the atmosphere... your own mindset changes... and you look at things a little differently.... ask your mate to move to the other bedroom and go back to dating him.... find the things you both were attracted to in each other in the first place.... unless he's being mentally, verbally or physically abusive.... then split.....

You know we're here for you..

[DebbieS]

Sorry to hear about what you're going through. I know you'll do good. You sound like a strong person who can take care of herself.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

[andrea]

I agree with Rusel. I always wondered what I would do in that situation. I would get a truck and trailer with living quarters and enjoy my life. At 56 materials things do not mean alot.

You do sound like a very strong person with plans. DOn't look back. Look forward. You can do it. If you get lonely and need to talk there is plenty of us on this board for you. We may not have ever seen you in person but we are all your friends.

Good luck and you will be in my prayers.

[Jane Hurl]

It'll be okay, diswick. It really will.

Change is hard, but you have a fantastic base upon which to build. Take your horse and find a small place to be. Once your confidence returns the world will be your oyster.

And we're always here to listen, to offer suggestions, to cheer you on.

[CarolU]

This too shall pass. Hang in there.

Make two lists, one of all your good qualities, one of all your bad qualities (the real ones, not the ones attributed to you), and then compare them. You'll see your good qualities way out weigh your bad ones. Look at this to cheer you up and give you strength. You're a good person. The failure is his, not yours.