What would you do?

[Pam M]

Looking for input for a situation...

I run a fairly small boarding barn and take pride in it being a nice, safe place for horses, where their owners enjoy coming. We're mostly trail riders who just ride to relax. I have a friend a few miles away who runs a much larger establishment that caters to a show crowd. I don't consider us to be competitors because we're such different barns. In fact, I send a lot of people her way as I'm really picky about who I let in my place.

One of my boarders asked me if I would consider taking in a friend of hers. I've turned down 4 requests lately because I have enough on my plate but I do have the space to take in more. My boarder's friend currently boards with my friend and is unhappy there. She comes recommended by 3 people I think highly of and would be a good fit here. She also comes as a package deal with another friend of hers from the same barn as they share a trainer and are looking to stay together.

I would never pursue my friend's clients - or anyone else's for that matter. I'm busy and I don't make my living from my barn. If I agree to let them come in, this will cause problems with my friend and she will most likely badmouth me for a while. It's a touchy situation.

I've already made up my mind but I'm curious about what you would do if you were me?!

[appyday]

I think you should not let "your friend" stand in the way of your business.

[Brigitte]

I don't consider it pursueing.

[Terri]

If I agree to let them come in, this will cause problems with my friend and she will most likely badmouth me for a while.
hint: this person is NOT your friend. Loosing a friend that is willing to bad mouth you is no loss. If you did not pursue these new boarders and if you don't take them in, they are likely to go some place else anyway, then you are NOT stealing clients. Unless this so called friend has the ability to make you life miserable and you don't want to put up with that, I see no problem taking in a new board if that is what YOU want.

[Moniece Dickerson]

I must say,I agree with what everyone else has said.Your friend,Moniece

[Cindy]

Ditto what everyone else said. If this person has a problem with these people moving to your barn than he/she is not a friend anyway.

[Linda Y]

If your boarder friend's friend is unhappy in her situation that is a problem between her and her current stable. Should have nothing to do with you, as she would probably move anyway.
If your friend takes this personally, she needs to look at why the boarder was not happy there instead of taking it out on you. I agree, if she badmouths you, you certainly don't need her as a friend.

[GeorgeGuns]

I'd tell your current boarder that this would present a conflict of interest issue, and while you understand that she is friends with the other boarder and you appreciate the compliment, it would be better for everyone involved if the other girls jsut went somewhere esle altogether. Then, if at a later date, they are displeased at a new place, they might come to your place and it will be buffered by the inbetween move.

Are you set up for a trainer coming in and working with those horses? Does that trainer have his/her own liability insurance? Does your insurance cover this? If not, that is a graceful excuse to turn them down, just a thought.

or you could just tell them that its bad timing for you, if you are working with a too-full plate already, well, you gotta do what ya gotta do to stay sane.

[CarolU]

I have to agree with the majority. This is where a real freindship is tested. What you might do is call your friend and tell her two of her customers have approached you about moving to your barn. Tell her that you did not pursue them and it is their decision to move in with their friend at your barn. Don't ask her opinion or open it for discussion, just tell her as a 'heads up.'

[Jane Hurl]

As usual, I'm with CarolU, but I take it one step further. I don't think this has to be an "either/or" situation. And I don't think it has to be a frienship breaker either.

On the other hand, being as you say you don't make your living from your barn, if you don't want to ruffle any feathers, you can always go with GeorgeGuns' idea. Those two boarders could go elsewhere -- at least in the short run.

[Minouri]

Back when I used to board I left a barn I loved for one that was closer to my home. When things didn't work out there (don't know if you remember the crazy glass guy) and ended up back at the far away barn I loved I felt uncomfortable.

Thw owner of the barn told me that I had a good reputation for giving people plenty of notice when I was leaving. I never left anyone in a lurch. And, she shrugged, any barn owner knows that people move horses for all sorts of reasons. You can't take it personally.

I would ask those women to give plenty of notice and do the move with class. I wouldn't engage in conversations with them about what is wrong with the other barn....it's suffice to say that they don't fit there.

Boarding is a business or you'd let all of those horses stay with your for free.

The one thing I'd caution, however, is that some people tend to be pains in the rear end no matter where they are. I've talked to people who have hated every barn they ever boarded at.....I wanted to just hold up a mirror to them and tell them that I found the problem.

Where did they board BEFORE they were at your friend's barn? Were they happy there?

[Terri]

Boarding is a business or you'd let all of those horses stay with your for free.

The one thing I'd caution, however, is that some people tend to be pains in the rear end no matter where they are. I've talked to people who have hated every barn they ever boarded at.....I wanted to just hold up a mirror to them and tell them that I found the problem.

O, O, sooooo True!!!!!! I could give lessons on how NOT to run a boarding stable, but I would probably lose money at that too.
http://bestsmileys.com/frustrated/4.gif

[Pam M]

Seems like most of you feel that same way I do.

What I did is tell them that I would be happy to accept them based on the recommendations I got. I also told them that I couldn't take them before Dec. 1, which would give them plenty of time to give notice to the other barn and to let me know when they gave notice and I would give the other place a call.

One of the reasons I accepted them was that they used to board with another neighbor who moved out of the area and she had great things to say about them. She tried to get them to come to my place when she closed but they wanted to be at a show barn.

My friend takes it very personally when anyone leaves her barn. I know this as I used to board with her before I bought my place. It's ok - I realize it's a business and not personal, whether she does or not. She'll come around when she runs out of hay this winter and I'm the only place that's got any to spare!

Thanks for the advice everyone. Sometimes it's good to get feedback on your decisions, especially where money is involved!

[Terry Wallace]

Yep...business is business. Sounds like you will be helping out the other person....

The "friend" needs to realize that people do not stay where they are not happy...so interview the person and see if you think you will "click".

[Pam M]

I did Terry. She's one of those "barn girls" - teenagers who are more crazy about horses than anything else in the world and who know something about them. I love being around kids like that! And her mom was very nice - we hit it off great. And I got 3 very positive references from people I know. One of them is a very good friend, who doesn't board with me but who does happens to be a neighbor of theirs, who told me the good and the bad. There wasn't very much in the way of bad.

One thing I have realized about the horse boarding business, at least around here, is that it's very competitive and there's a lot of backstabbing. I refuse to participate in that. I learned something from my neighbor who recently moved and closed her barn. We met, talked, compared notes and ended up being good neighbors that would help each other out instead of being competitors. It's always better to have friends than enemies!

[Moniece Dickerson]

I'm thinking this will work out well for you.You're doing it right.You done good ;-) .Your friend,Moniece

[TrueStepPaso]

Good luck Pam....with your line of thinking, you'll aways have a nice, full barn! :D



I've talked to people who have hated every barn they ever boarded at.....I wanted to just hold up a mirror to them and tell them that I found the problem.


:lol: This is VERY true! I can think of LOTS of situations I've wanted to do that...maybe I should start carrying a mirror around for those ppl... :D

[SQUEAKS]

This is JMHO....you count your associates with a calculator and your friends by the fingers on your hands and toes on your feet. If someone proclaims to be your friend and then badmouths you they were not or are not your friend.

A friend is there when you need them
A friend knows your problems and accepts them
A friend is always there to help you through tough situations
A friend understands things change from time to time and others will use you for their own satisfaction
A friend is not someone to be taken lightly
A friend is one you can count on no matter what happens
A friend will confront you first with anything that appears out of line in your friendship not wait till the damage is unrepairable
A friend is one that understands that you have bad days also
and Last A REAL FRIEND CARES ABOUT YOU & YOUR FRIENDSHIP

Ok off soapbox

Best of luck!

Bob :D

[Ginger]

A friend doesn't believe things people say about you without bothering to ask you about it first. A friend doesn't spread what other people have said about you behind your back. A friend doesn't bait you into anger just for kicks. A friend doesn't blame their shortcomings on chemicals, do nasty things to you, and then expect you to just forget about it later on and go back to normal.

[Minouri]

Abbie,

You should try it.....I can't guarantee that it won't get you a good smack though. But I've often thought it would be worth it.

Barn personalities are another reason I'm glad the boys are home. I've seen people steal, break, sneak......grown woman so catty you want to ask them if they're out of high school yet........or expect to be anytime soon.

I've seen seemingly normal women outside the barn get into huge verbal battles because one of them dressed up better than another to take their lessons. Some's clothes was more expensive or matched better.

Luckily I was in a class all by myself......lol.....the crazy Paso lady. No one cared what I wore.

[Pam M]

I've boarded at barns that were full of catty people also, which is why I'm so particular about mine. None of my current boarders knew each other before coming here but they share tack and stuff, email each other, talk on the phone - they've become friends. And the only "cattiness" is good-natured ribbing, usually about one of us taking a spill. We have fun! I work hard to protect that atmosphere. Down with B%&#y Barns!!

[TrueStepPaso]

Ruth.....

I really should start carrying a little mirror. Seriously. It AMAZES me when ppl don't "get it". There is one girl I know who is constantly in drama with her horse, and she is quoted at least once a month shouting, "Why is it always MY horse/ME?!!" ......um, duuuh. :roll:

Yeah, there are times that the smack would definetely be worth it. I have gotten the evil eye throw in my direction at break-neck speed often though....I'm NOT shy about telling her which things I disapprove of.

There was a family at my barn last year that seemed like the BEST ppl at first...all sweet & friendly...enthusiastic about their horse. Very promising barn buddies. Yeah...riiight. 1st, the father (who weighed 300lbs, and was 6'3") would tell us lowly females how to "really" train a horse... :roll: ....often telling us that anyone who EVER fell off a horse was a big piece of crap rider, and should just find another hobby - because he NEVER fell off. When asked about his riding history in years though, he often got vague & "distracted" :-? . Then, they would often give pony rides to young children on their 4 yr old, (forest) GREEN, QH...who reared :shock: . When he did that, they would just laugh. Oh, yeah, and they stole my tack constantly....I LOVED to drive up the driveway, seeing them riding their horse with MY saddle pad & bridle. Or seeing that my stall guard was taken off of my horse's stall, and stapled onto theirs!!! :evil:
I'd finally had enough when they took their horses to their house for three weeks...with 25% of MY tack. I drove to their house, asked for it back, and was met with a quite hostile family.
After that, another girl at my barn & myself were frequently harrassed by the father at night when he reeked of whiskey, for months. We started taking our boyfriends (and my pitbull) with us for chores, and even some riding.....but he got even nastier on the occassions we were alone. The final straw was when he threatened to kill us and "mount us on his wall" like a dead deer. I called the cops, brought him to court, and won. He got slapped with a "stay away" order for six months. It ended two months ago.
Oh, and his horse threw him, and broke his arm last spring. I loved it.

[Minouri]

I love that you took him to court and won! Good for you! I wish I'd had the courage to do that with that crazy glass guy. He didn't quite go far enough in his threat, though. I wonder what I would have done with an actual death threat.

I'm glad you dealt with him and that it worked out.

We had a female doctor who boarded at the big barn who always left with things and if confronted would pretend to be completely shocked...How did I accidentally pack that? Luckily my stuff was bright red so people would report in to me as soon as my stuff went missing.

I was groaning through your whole post because unfortunately I could totally imagine it.

[Barbwire]

Gosh Abbie, that guy sounds like a creep. Glad he busted him arm, too. :twisted: