Almost time to say goodbye.....

[lisa l aka marci]

I'm sitting here at my husbands' computer crying while he is visiting in the other room with his parents.....but I need to vent as many of you can relate.....

Last night when I went to feed the horses Lucia was slow coming in, and not very interested in her grain. This morning my Mom called me to tell me to come down and look at Lucy, as she did not want to walk and did not go out with Marci into the pasture.

Well, it appears that Lucy's last winter is almost at an end, she is very stiff in the hindquarters, and when I ran my hand down her right flank she groaned and started to quiver. She had walked around the corner of the barn to see Marci and eat some hay, but was not very interested in the grain I put out for her (with Bute).....I've told my Mom that I will see how she looks this evening, I know she did a lot of moving around yesterday including gaiting which may have increased her pain/discomfort today.

I'm getting myself ready though to have the vet come out in the next couple of days.....just called to get a price and availablility for the vet (the place I'd use is about an hour away), and my next couple of calls will be for an excavator and hauling......

Ok, not good news for the beginning of the New Year, but at least I know I've had about 18 years with her and two wonderful foals.....have to go, husband is wondering where I am.....

[SandyMM]

ahhh... so sad, but they'll let you know when it's time... and it's y/our responsibility to let them go when that time comes - no matter how much we hate to make that decision....

[Jane Hurl]

Oh, dear! If she is quivering at the slightest touch, the poor dear must be in a lot of pain.

We all know you won't make her stay too long if her pain is too bad, but if the pain is related to her flank, could it not be something a vet could deal with?

In any event, hugs to you, Lisa. I hope for a good outcome to this.

[LynnG]

None of my horses will eat grain in it with bute. Try putting some grain out without the bute. I give bute as a paste or ground up with a liquid in a syringe. Giving bute can also cause them to go off their appetite. I had a mare yesterday lame and she was stretched out and flat and off her feet most of the day resting. I gave her some paste banamine, soaked her legs, wrapped her legs and hooves (recovering from founder), and she is rearing to go today. I think one of the mares may have kicked her...so she is going to stay by herself "protected".

Keep yours comfortable and follow vet's suggestions as to bute or banamine. Check her temperature to be sure she is not running a fever, that could make her not want to eat.

Good luck...keep us posted.
lynn

[SandyMM]

ahhh... so sad, but they'll let you know when it's time... and it's y/our responsibility to let them go when that time comes - no matter how much we hate to make that decision.... I know you'll do what's in her best interest when the time comes....

[CarolU]

Oh Lisa...I am so very sorry. I know how much Lucy has been a part of your life. It is a hard decision, they are such family members...but know that it is probably the right decision and she'll be out of pain. She's lived a long healthy life and given you her all.

(((((HUGS TO YOU))))))

[ErinC]

Hugs and Prayers coming your way!

I had this picture on my pictures from Years ago when Lisa sent it to me, to show me her Baby...
I hope she does not mind me posting
the baby is Marci....
http://www.gaitedhorses.net/Pictures/little219.jpg

[halfmoonfino]

Bless your heart! I know that is just heart-wrenching to think about, but you know your horse best. I know she trusts you to take care of her and that you are making a good choice. She will be in a better place.

Healing energy to your and your horses...

[Linda Y]

Oh, my. 18 years. You have to consider yourself very, very fortunate to have had such a lovely horse that long. It will be a hard loss to take, but like they said she will tell you if it is time. I know you won't be selfish and try to keep her around. Listen to your heart. Listen to Lucy.
Thoughts and big hugs going out to you.

[Polly Aulton]

Geez, I hate it when you all post things like this. It makes me cry every time. I'm so sorry you are going through this and I'm crying right along with you. Bless that girl for all the years of pleasure she has given you.
Polly

[PasoJoy]

:( Eighteen years is a long time to share with someone you love....I hope the vet says it was just a little over-exertion....but if not, I wish you the courage to do the right thing...

[Terri]

so sorry, :cry: :cry: :cry: What a hard way to start the year. My neighber just went through this with her older mare. It is never easy. hugs to you.

[lisa l aka marci]

I'm back from settling the girls in for the night.....Lucy doesn't seem to have moved much during the day, but she did eat hay and walked (slowly) over to the stall door and inside where she started to nibble on some hay. I managed to get bute into her with a syringe, she put up a bit of a fuss, which was fine with me.

18 years is a good long time, this coming April Lucy will be 30.....so I've had her for about 2/3 of her life and over half of mine.

I'll be checking on her early tomorrow morning (like 530am ugh) before I head to work, and am waiting for a call back tomorrow from the vet. At this point in her life I am unwilling to take any drastic measures with her, due to her age and my finances. I am not willing to let her suffer though, so if she is any worse tomorrow I will have the final call to make.

I did get to take some video of her today, I wish I had some of her from her younger days, but I do have photos like the one Erin posted. Thanks Erin although you ~did~ make me tear up again! :evil:

I knwo others have said it before, but is is great to have a place like this where we can share our sorrows and our good times. I'e know this time was coming most of the year, but that really doesn't make it any easier when it comes time to make a decision. At least my Mom will let me bury her on the farm, I have a spot picked out on one of the hillsides, I now need to get the hole dug.....any suggestions on what size?

Also, not to be macabre, but how does one go about getting to the grave site.....if I know I have to have her put down should I try to walk her there and have it done, or have her taken there afterwards? It almost sounds callous asking about this, but I learned a long time ago to try to be practical about thisngs and realistic. Having grown up on a farm and seeing life and death I guess helps.....A part of me almost wishes I'd find her in the morning peacefully gone.....I did spend quality time with her this morning grooming her and getting the tangles out of her mane and tail and saying 'goodbye'.

Ok, back to practical things (to help stop the tears) - I have Marci and Lucy together with no good way to separate them without leaving one more exposed to the weather. Any ideas on how Marci might react to this? She and Lucy are very attached, they talk to each other all the time, keep each other in sight etc etc.....I'm not sure how another horse would react to having a deceased one around if that happens.....

Thanks again for all your thoughts and messages - I will keep everyone posted and thanks for being here!

[GeorgeGuns]

My heart goes out to you! Que put me through quite a scare this year, I swore she was colicked and I won't put her through surgery. It turned out to be a pulled hamstring. A couple tubes of banamine later, after several days in, she was ... not rarin to go but certainly back to her baseline. Arthritis, old suspensory inujuries, and now gimpy hanstrings, I won't let her suffer when her time comes, and I'll be nearly schizoid with pain myself - I can only imagine what you must be going through.

I had to do a planned euthanasia many years ago. It stinks. It really just stinks.

(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

[Barbwire]

Lisa, I am so sorry to read this. I know you must have a heavy heart, and dealing with this now when you have company must be torture. Please call me if I can do anything for you.

[Edurne]

Horrible practical matters, but we had a horse die of colic this year and was buried on the farm, we moved him with a tractor. Cristi has in the past allowed horses who are very attached to see the body and spend some time with it. It was sad when we found the horse, because his buddies were pawing at him to get up. Other times, I know she has walked her horse to close to where the hole has been or will be dug. So sorry you are going through this. I love my Primero (19) and I have to admit to same kind of anticipatory sadness and sharing of yours.
Edurne

[stella]

I am very very sorry, lisa, and you know how well I understand what you're going thru, and will eventually go thru..whether its now, or later.
They will let you know, when they've had enough. True, try feed w/o bute in it...and maybe with the weird weather we're having in the south, rain/warm/cold variations, a number of horses are "off," especially older ones.
I do think its easiest on the horses "left behind" to be there, and then "say goodbye."
Reading this reminded me of a foal I once had, that gotten severely impacted (mom never had a foal heat, no "runs" on foals)......the vet and I took the foal out of the stall to another to work on it......mom was going crazy.....but when it died and she saw the limp body past by her stall, she stopped complaining immediately. Horses are much smarter than we tend to give them credit for.
She let me know when it was HER time, too, years later, at age 33. Her buddy mare was off in another part of the paddock, munching some hay, but as soon as she was put down....and we didnt make Gentile get up, either......Flicka stopped eating, mid-mouthful, and halfgaited/halfwalked over (well she was 35!)She pawed once or twice, sniffed Gentile...abruptly paused a minute or two....then walked very slowly back to the hay, but didnt eat for awhile, like she was remembering....and just gazed over at her old friend a few more seconds, then went back to eating, but her demeanor was certainly different. It distinctly seemed like she understood her lifelong friend was gone.(I bought them at 12 and 14yo and they were imported from PR, together since 2 & 4yos.

A tractor or backhoe is necessary to move the body any distance, but I once was able to put one on a tarp and drag it with a truck w/hitch with a strong rope, by myself...when I was younger!
I think its better to spend the last moments in familiar surroundings with familiar people/usual animals, and not stress them in their last moments, by taking them somewhere strange. The state of stress tends to counteract tranquilizers and other such meds, and might prolong death, or at least its sudden peacefulness.

[stella]

I am very very sorry, lisa, and you know how well I understand what you're going thru, and will eventually go thru..whether its now, or later.
They will let you know, when they've had enough. True, try feed w/o bute in it...and maybe with the weird weather we're having in the south, rain/warm/cold variations, a number of horses are "off," especially older ones.
I do think its easiest on the horses "left behind" to be there, and then "say goodbye."
Reading this reminded me of a foal I once had, that gotten severely impacted (mom never had a foal heat, no "runs" on foals)......the vet and I took the foal out of the stall to another to work on it......mom was going crazy.....but when it died and she saw the limp body past by her stall, she stopped complaining immediately. Horses are much smarter than we tend to give them credit for.
She let me know when it was HER time, too, years later, at age 33. Her buddy mare was off in another part of the paddock, munching some hay, but as soon as she was put down....and we didnt make Gentile get up, either......Flicka stopped eating, mid-mouthful, and halfgaited/halfwalked over (well she was 35!)She pawed once or twice, sniffed Gentile...abruptly paused a minute or two....then walked very slowly back to the hay, but didnt eat for awhile, like she was remembering....and just gazed over at her old friend a few more seconds, then went back to eating, but her demeanor was certainly different. It distinctly seemed like she understood her lifelong friend was gone.(I bought them at 12 and 14yo and they were imported from PR, together since 2 & 4yos.

A tractor or backhoe is necessary to move the body any distance, but I once was able to put one on a tarp and drag it with a truck w/hitch with a strong rope, by myself...when I was younger!
I think its better to spend the last moments in familiar surroundings with familiar people/usual animals, and not stress them in their last moments, by taking them somewhere strange. The state of stress tends to counteract tranquilizers and other such meds, and might prolong death, or at least its sudden peacefulness.

[stella]

I am very very sorry, lisa, and you know how well I understand what you're going thru, and will eventually go thru..whether its now, or later.
They will let you know, when they've had enough. True, try feed w/o bute in it...and maybe with the weird weather we're having in the south, rain/warm/cold variations, a number of horses are "off," especially older ones.
I do think its easiest on the horses "left behind" to be there, and then "say goodbye."
Reading this reminded me of a foal I once had, that gotten severely impacted (mom never had a foal heat, no "runs" on foals)......the vet and I took the foal out of the stall to another to work on it......mom was going crazy.....but when it died and she saw the limp body past by her stall, she stopped complaining immediately. Horses are much smarter than we tend to give them credit for.
She let me know when it was HER time, too, years later, at age 33. Her buddy mare was off in another part of the paddock, munching some hay, but as soon as she was put down....and we didnt make Gentile get up, either......Flicka stopped eating, mid-mouthful, and halfgaited/halfwalked over (well she was 35!)She pawed once or twice, sniffed Gentile...abruptly paused a minute or two....then walked very slowly back to the hay, but didnt eat for awhile, like she was remembering....and just gazed over at her old friend a few more seconds, then went back to eating, but her demeanor was certainly different. It distinctly seemed like she understood her lifelong friend was gone.(I bought them at 12 and 14yo and they were imported from PR, together since 2 & 4yos.

A tractor or backhoe is necessary to move the body any distance, but I once was able to put one on a tarp and drag it with a truck w/hitch with a strong rope, by myself...when I was younger!
I think its better to spend the last moments in familiar surroundings with familiar people/usual animals, and not stress them in their last moments, by taking them somewhere strange. The state of stress tends to counteract tranquilizers and other uch meds, and might prolong death, or at least its sudden peacefulness.

[Pasomom]

Lisa, So very sorry to hear about Lucy. I hope she will make a come back for you and hang around a little longer. It is so hard to loose loved ones near the holidays.

30 years is a good long life for a horse and it sounds like you have had some really wonderful years with her. I know how tough this is for you, and I pray for peace for both you and her. Hang in there, and like everyone says...when the time is right, you will know in your heart what you need to do for her. Hugs and love for you both!

[pasogalinbama]

Lisa i can feel your pain i lost my PR mare a couple years ago it was very painful, she too was a part of my life i had her for 25 of her 34 years of life. i'm sorry and hope things work out. i know you want what is best for her.

[ErinC]

sorry Lisa, I just had to, I an a Visual person, so I know others have to be,
Wishing you peace, hugs, I wish I was closer to help!

[Linda Y]

If you can, and you do have to make the decision to put her down, do it next to the hole. I find knowing that my beloved horse is being unceremoniously dragged by a tractor very upsetting. I had one that was dragged, one that was put down by the hole and one that was carried in an endloader. I know this is terrible to talk about, but it is a fact of having horses and eventually happens to everyone who has them long enough. It is good to know HOW you want it accomplished, for your feelings and the dignity of the horse. I know, I know, they aren't 'there' any more, but that doesn't make it any less upsetting.
My heart goes out to you.

[Beth Worden]

Lisa, I am sorry for you and Lucy. Do what's right and have a good cry. I am thinking of you.

[Pasogirlz]

Bless both your hearts. :( I am so sad for you. I have had Princess 18 yrs this year and I hurt just thinking of when this day will come for me.
(((((hugs))))))

About how to handle the other horse. When I had to have Princess's foal put down after it was born, the vet said to let her have a few hours w/it in the stall so she would realize it was not getting back up....so she wouldn't think that we TOOK it away and have her worry. You might try something like that w/Marci and letting her have some mourning time.

[pnalley]

Lisa,
As you probably know I just lost my old guy Frito Bandito on Dec 22, so I do feel your pain.

In all practicallity: 1st) I had made up my mind that the first time he went "down" in the pasture that was it. As you said, his age & my finances as well as just doing what is right for an old horse would not allow me to prolong his life if the quality was not good.

I had him put down where he stood, had the backhoe come out later (we had a "got to do it situation", not a planned euthanasia). The backhoe certainly has the capability of moving her. Do what feels right for you. I was determined to NOT have a planned euthanasia, my reasons were varied, but mostly I didn't want to have to make the appointment on a bad day, wait & dread the day then have the vet show on up on a good day. All the remorse & pain and the wondering if your making the right decision. But knowing there is no other choice.

Do what feels right for you and your horse.

If you feel you need to be there when she's put down, do so. I would suggest you leave when the burial takes place. Something about the sound of a backhoe, is just heart renching.

You are right about this board. Sometimes I feel like I would absolutely loose my mind if I did'nt have somewere to share the joys and sorrows of being a "horse person"

May God give you strength in the days to come.

[Nito]

Sorry to hear that Lisa. :(

You know what I went thru with my little colt. Its sad to lose animals we bond to. Cheers for all the love that you have given her. And I hope it all goes well with you!

[Carol Nelson]

Lisa, and Paula...I am so sorry for you both. I have two twenty year old Pasos, a twenty year old blind kitty, and a 12 year old Rottie...and I know the time is drawing near. I'm not a strong person at saying goodbye so I pray I can hold up when it's time.
Paula, I can sure understand your not wanting the vet's visit to fall on a good day! I would back out altogether.
Whatever your choice, Lisa...you have my prayers, and I'm sure it will be the right one. God bless. She's had a heck of a good life with you.

[Moniece Dickerson]

Oh my gosh i'm so sorry!I am SO sorry!As I sit here all I can do is cry and be sad for you.Oh you poor soul I wish I could just make her all better and full of zest for you and Marci.I'm so sorry!Moniece

[Monty]

I have had to put a number of older animals down - it is never easy - but,I could never stand to see them suffer .
It is a hard call to make - but you know and she does too - she has counted on you and trusted you,to help her when ever she had a problem - and in 18 yrs -she must have had some, even minor. It isn't fair to them to keep treating them in short term when you know it doesn't really help them.
She has had a good life and a long one at 30 yrs .
Doesn't matter if it is a human or pet death - it is never easy for those left behind .
I only had Venus 8 1/2 months ( she was only 17) - and I had to put her down - she "never " had nickered or anything to me until I had to walk away from her at the clinic - we found out she had severe last stage liver failure - and there was nothing we could do for her .That was 4 yrs ago and I am still tearing up -
BUT, it isn't for her - she has relief and crossed the rainobow bridge - it is for myself - I miss her and know I will never find another horse like her !
Monty is a dear - but not the same !
I know you will make the right call for her and you know we will be here with hugs -

[Lynn]

Lisa I am so sorry to hear about this. When the time comes I would let Marci say goodby. My grandmother just passed Fri and we burried her today. People may think us crazy but we let the dogs in to say goodby since she died at home. They cried a little friday and they still go by her bedroom door and wine but they are not constantly looking for her like they did when she was in the hospital. They are still sad but they said their goodbys.

[Barbwire]

Lynn, sorry to hear about your grandmother. What you said about the dogs saying their goodbyes made me tear up.

[Brigitte]

I'm so very sorry :(